The dark night of the soul... when you're a freelance writer
Slow down, stop paying attention to the noise (sorry to call your content noise – if it makes you feel better, so is mine) and start creating something that is uniquely yours. 🧠
Happy Friday!
I’ll keep it super informal today, because it’s Friday (duh) and we’re going away for the weekend (yay). I need to get outside because I've been staring at screens pretty much every hour of the day for the last four days.
Such is the life of a freelance writer, whether you’re looking for new opportunities, working for existing clients, or innocently shopping online…
(I’m actually very excited about what I bought this week – it's an online course on writing and structuring a work of fiction! For the first time in my life I’m actually going to study creative writing and I’m buzzzzzzing!)
But back to this newsletter. 🤭
Last night I had a literal case of what they call ‘the dark night of the soul’. Luckily for me, it only lasted about an hour, then I fell back asleep and woke up with a clear head. (And, yeah, it wasn’t really about my soul. It was more about my brain.)
I couldn’t stop my racing thoughts, and guess what they were about? No, not about mistakes I’ve made in the past, and not about friends I haven’t spoken to in ages (sorry guys, I’ll text!). None of the stuff that's actually important and that we all like to ruminate on in the middle of the night from time to time.
They were about copywriting!
I’m not kidding.
I've been consuming SO MUCH content this week (staring at screens, I’m telling you), and most of it has been on topics related to my work. I usually prefer to browse cute artsy stuff and travel content, but I've been pretty addicted to LinkedIn and podcasts and other writers’ websites (my inner comparasaurus is screaming 🦖).
And somehow I thought it was all okay. I mean, it’s good to have some sort of benchmark for your work, right? Well, yes and no. I mean, sure. But is that really what you’re doing? (Don’t worry, that’s a rhetorical question).
I got myself into a thought spiral that told me that everyone and their virtual cat is doing better than me. And even though I knew better than to believe this, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the content I had gone through. My mind was literally categorising things into like, content pillars!
And since this happened to me for the first time, I had to reflect on it a bit this morning. And – surprise, surprise! – something I saw on Instagram came to mind.
The opposite of depression is expression.
Oh yes.
And you know what I haven’t done this week, not even a little bit? Expressed myself. 🎨
Once again, I ‘forgot’ to write, create or play because I didn’t prioritise it. I thought that working on this piece was more important, that an email to this person should take priority, etc. And what if someone posted something interesting on LinkedIn that will literally change my life?
I’m going to leave you with a piece of advice that I’m still working on (the irony), but I like where it's going:
Consuming and creating are both important aspects of our creative lives, and it would be naive to believe that we can do both in equal measure. But if you consume too much don’t be surprised if you can’t sleep, your mind is on fire, and you don't know what else there is to create!
Slow down, stop paying attention to the noise (sorry to call your content noise – if it makes you feel better, so is mine) and start creating something that is uniquely yours.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the next bestseller, a newsletter you send out to a few good people, or something really tasty to eat. It also doesn’t matter if someone will see it or not.
It only matters that it feels good, that it feels like you, that it feels like play (I believe that work that feels like play to some degree is our genius zone. On the contrary, anything you have to force is not for you. If you keep pushing yourself it might get you some results, but it will also drain you 🫠).
The more you allow yourself to express yourself, the less depressed you will be. At least when it comes to work and play. (I can’t help with the mistakes you made in the past or the friends you haven’t spoken to in ages!)
That’s why I’m seriously thinking about doing more creative writing. The only way I can stop waking up in the middle of the night thinking about other copywriters (not in that way) is if I express myself more and keep reminding myself that I am unique – yes, just like everyone else, I know.
And you know where I do that best? Writing fiction, 100%.
What about you? What’s your genius zone? Have you thought about it?
Anca x